The Psalm I Sing

For those of you who have been following along in this journey with me, thank you. I have very much enjoyed sharing the workings of my Savior with you. I am back in the Philadelphia area now and looking forward to all things summer. But, before I “close the door” so to speak on this semester, I thought I’d take some time to reflect on my time in the windy city.

If you take a minute and read Psalm 39, it describes my experience in Chicago quite well. It is a Psalm of David that begins in confession. David made a deal with himself, and with God. He decided he was going to do the right things, keep his tongue from evil, and strive toward peace. These things are great right? I mean, it sounds like he had wonderful intentions. But David says in verse 2 that after doing these things, his distress grew worse. This is because he was trying to be righteous. He was trying to find liberation in the Law..but it was nowhere to be found. His prayer then shifts in verse 4 to say “O LORD, make me know my end and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting I am!” it’s almost like an Isaiah 6 moment for David. Instead of counting on himself to be good, he turned and worshipped God in truth just by humbling himself and deeming God worthy of his affections.

As I drove out to Chicago I found myself thinking about all of the ways that I could establish myself and begin my life there. But I didn’t find peace or rest in these thoughts. It’s a lot of responsibility to wake up every morning and depend on yourself to complete both the mundane and the magnificent tasks of the day. If we screw up, we have no one to blame, and only fingers to point at ourselves. So I understand why David’s distress grew..he was counting on his imperfect flesh. But to wake up to grace and to a God who knows and saves and redeems and forgives and justifies…these things I found comfort in. Once I was able to say “Lord, let this semester and this move be about you” I was filled with a lasting peace that I cannot describe with words..I can discern 2 reasons why:

First, I wasn’t counting on myself, so I didn’t have any reason to be disappointed. While I was actually the instrument used, God made all the music. Secondly, I stopped trying to be my own prophet. I realized that I had been telling God what I wanted to do, then asking him to bless it, instead of asking God what his will was so that I could walk accordingly in obedience. It is so easy to get excited about something, then as the Lord to join, when really our position should be humbly beside David, asking for the privilege to be a part of the work that God is already doing. Oh that the act of obedience would be cherished for its simplicity, beauty, and significance to the eternal Kingdom of God!

And so, my prayer of thankfulness to the Lord after this semester is for teaching me the humble way of his Son Jesus, and then giving me the desire to live the same way. I praise Him for using me despite my sin, for deepening my love for the urban poor through Gospel-centered eyes, for supplying me with wonderful friends among countless other blessings, and for pursuing me still, as he always has done. As verse 12 in Psalm 39 says, Lord, “I am a sojourner with you”. I praise him that I delight more than ever that this is so.

Let us continue this journey with the Father, not forgetting to look back in order to tell him thanks for all that he has done. What a semester, what a year! Great is his faithfulness.

Blessings.